so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize