I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
