We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
