i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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