I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I enjoy the company of your penis
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
