I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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