I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize