So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
