he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
