I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
