And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
