Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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