I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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