my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
