Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize