hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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