it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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