i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
