so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
a search helicopter?!
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize