I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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