Im at strip club and am horny
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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