Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
