I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
MIDGETS
????
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
