i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
