Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
