on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
