I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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