nut hugger
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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