I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
