wanna go halves on a baby?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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