About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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