How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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