we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
