end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We left the knife in your bed.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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