All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
