Small penises have feelings too.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize