They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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