i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
