I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
