she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
worst night to have a conscience
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
