At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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