i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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