as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
