careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
