so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
