i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
