i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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