If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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