The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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