Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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