In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Barsexuality is the new black.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
