Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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