I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
