omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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