I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
where are my eyebrows?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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