You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
