Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
