you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
