I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
