My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
North Korea, Best Korea!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize