Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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