Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
