his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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