I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
