so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
