No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
