i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I intend to get homeless drunk
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
