If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
