I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
