apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
