Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
