Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
