Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
