ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
