I got chris browned last night
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
