i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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