and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
