the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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