You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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