Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize