its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
