I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Come share oat with me in your robe
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
