Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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