i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
