I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
