Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
