making cat noises will not fix the situation.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
