How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
We got so high we made milksteak
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
