You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
