My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
foreskin is a definite game changer
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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