I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize