I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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