then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
