check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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