I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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