I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
