yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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