Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
