every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
