True but thats because hes a fetus.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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