I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
