There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
