So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
