a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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