my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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