Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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