Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
