Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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