So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
