I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
