I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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